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Smart Husband

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Husband sent a text to his wife at night, “Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return.”

but there is no reply…..

He sent another text, “And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I’m getting you a new car”

This time, she text back, “OMG really?”

Husband replied, : “No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message”

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Smart And Intelligent Wife

A married couple is travelling by car from California to New York.

Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it’s a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren’t worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the ‘standard rate’. He insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for us to use.

“But we didn’t use them,” the husband said.

“Well, they are here, and you could have,” explained the Manager.

The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. “We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here,” the Manager says.

“But we didn’t go to any of those shows,” the husband said.

“Well, we have them, and you could have,” the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, “But we didn’t use it!”

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay. As he didn’t have the check book, he asked his wife to write the check.
She did and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. “But ma’am, this is made out for only $50.00.”

“That’s correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me,” she replied.

“But I didn’t!” exclaims the Manager.

“Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”

Don’t mess with senior citizens… They didn’t get there by being stupid.

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Husband And Wife Funny Conversation

One Day An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone: ”Where the Hell are you …?”

Husband: Darling do you remember the jewellery shop where you saw a very beautiful gold necklace and were desperate to buy it, but I didn’t have the money but promised to get it later when I get my salary…

Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Sure I remember it my dear.

Husband: I am in the cafe next to that jewellery shop!!

Few Hours Later,

Husband sends a text message to his wife: “Hi, what are you doing Darling?”

Wife: I’m dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types “Sweet Heart, how can I live without you?”

Wife: “You fool! I am dying my hair..”

Husband: “Bloody English Language

Before Sleeping,

Wife : How much do you love me ?

Husband : I love U so much, I can’t measure.

Wife : No just tell me….

Husband : Okay, I am like a cell phone & you are my sim card, i am nothing without you…

Wife : Wow ! that’s so romantic…

Husband (saying to himself): Thank God she doesn’t know, this is a Chinese phone, with FOUR sim cards…